9/3/2017







To feel alone in the world is a very sad and can be debilitating feeling. I understand that a lot of the LGBT community have experienced this and I can very much relate to this. To feel stigmatised and picked on too. When you personally feel as though you are a misfit and not sure of where you belong, and if you do anywhere.

I came to the conclusion that actually no, I was not made to fit in, to conform with society's idea of how I should be or think. Part of my struggles were with my identity, not sexually but me, as a person, an individual.

When you do not have an understanding of whom you are, or what makes you tick, you search. Some people, myself included, attempted to become someone, because I really didn't know whom I was. In my inner world, I would change whom I thought I was. When I found that one identity never served me or I felt I outgrew it, I would create the next one. It was rather like living in a fantasy life.

The trouble with this, well there's many, but the major struggle is because you are trying and not being , it is exhausting and very very confusing to your self. This leads to unhappiness and many other negative feelings. You become trapped in a spiral of self sabotaging behaviour and the longer it continues the harder it becomes to free yourself.

I know my experience of living this way comes from my childhood developmental years. As a young person, finding out about themselves, finding their path in the world, is challenging. If you do not have a solid support from your caregivers, parents, guardians etc this natural period in your life is hampered. Young people need clear guidance, encouragement to follow their interests, passions and dreams. Especially if you are a more introverted person, that finds it difficult to share their thoughts and feelings. This helps to shape you as a person and to trust your own intuition and gut.

Without knowing whom you really are it is difficult to branch out as an adult into the world, with the responsibilities it brings. Hence grasping for identities to model yourself on. I think we all do this to a degree, having role models and suchlike but when it is lived at such a depth that your true self is hidden underneath layers and layers of untruths and you spend a lot of energy convincing yourself that this is your true self - argh just typing this feels exhausting.

I take my hat off to those I met yesterday that are very braveley being their true selves and with our judgemental society. I especially feel deeply for transgender people because that takes a confused identity to a whole other level. So proud of those that are being themselves after many years of pain and untruths, hurting themselves.

​How incredible.