12.13.17







Today for example, saw me sat around a table of psychiatrists in a business type meeting. From my past experience with psychiatrists as a patient it was overall rather damaging. Feelings of judgement and not being heard were strong, this led me to not having a positive view towards them. Today however, they all seemed rather lovely and caring people. That was quite something for me, especially the one I spoke to afterwards whom works for CAMHS. The venue of the meeting was Westcotes House, this too was no coincidence. I had not been there in thirty years since I was a young girl in need of their help. It brought back many very sad memories and tears fell easily from me after I left. I see this as very good and very healing as that has been stuck inside of me for thirty years creating grief as was my experience with revisiting my old school.

Why was I there ? It was because of my involvement with Lamp. Why am I involved with Lamp? Because I got in touch with my true self and wrote my book. Why did I write my book? Because I'd become so exhausted in my first business through having to prove to myself relentlessly that I was not a failure as I believed myself to be. I had to rest, for months. During those months I rested and rested and eventually heard myself so loud and clear with a very clear message. Why did this happen? Because I had a strong desire to help others not feel alone and to inspire them with hope and to also help me with my shame that would not leave me.
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None of it is coincidence. None of the people I have met this year are, none of the people I have been reunited with this year is either. It's all happened for a reason and for that I feel blessed and grateful.